defectivejunk - dadadaily

when you run out of words

nospam@example.com (NN) — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 22:34:45 -0500

reuse others

hey my human, hiding in the wilderness
there goes the dinner bell
the killer, the cereal
dropped black in the pond
don't bite it, whistle a tune
whose elephant is this
who won't stop remembering

swirling
long distance
prophylaxis

footsteps towards a pillow
the same soil as us
fought back vibrating nothings
ran away all the same
following in my footsteps
surrounded by fifteen thousand

the most silent
exit ramp, snowflake tears
pained tales, painted lines
neuron thistles

while you make pretty speeches
you're tearing me to shreds

Eve

nospam@example.com (NN) — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 10:43:46 -0500

December 31st. A snow covered parking lot.
          White noise. An angry mob. Vacant
          stares. This is not a good place to die.
          And this is not a place of honor.
          Dying alone again, naturally.
          Of artificial means.

December 31st. A broken tv in the alley.
          We left it to rot.
          A silent drive back home.
          Gross on the radio.
          Could have turned things around.

December 31st. A movie on tv. Useless card trivia.
          Almost died in a ditch.
          That was a good place to die.
          They would have mounted a cross.
          I wouldn't have liked that.

December 31st. A gathering of complexity.
          Man blips out of existence,
          atm receipt in his mouth,
          gun in his hand.
          I wish I had been strong enough to do that.
          Video games and bad movies.
          Seems I'm not the only one who
          never forgot.

auf dem lande auf dem meer lauert das verderben

nospam@example.com (NN) — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 23:04:16 -0500

seven year old with a
can of olde english
stomping the gutter
chugging after breakfast
he's not a kid with
a lot of imagination
falling rocks from
the outer lithosphere
don't blink or
you might miss the best
victory is
never sweet

birthday card right after work
box of chocolates, wilted nosegay
everything's going to change
some are big, some are small
some aren't real after all
everyone is a critic
pleurisy and chewing gum
come stand outside we'll have some fun
riot after the bell rings
you don't know what you are
so no you can't borrow my car
everyone is a critque

minus world offer
two balloons for a dollar
take a swim on the chin
turn right here
my mathematical half
wonders where the negative went
and the positive side
got a shock with a grin

never turn your back on a drug

nospam@example.com (NN) — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 22:56:15 -0400

I was in a nature of visions and twisted rulers, the kings of mercy had murdered themselves. And the darkness was coming towards me. The corpse of my twin lay bare in front of me, as I struggled to impale him further with my spear. It was platinum coated, harmful to the naked eye, filled with apple cider. It shined brightly in the evening sun, shined like the universe was smiling upon my murderous revenge. Smiling with hatred, mutual hatred for a common enemy. I had to get home to my girlfriend. She was expecting, and she was expecting me. It wasn’t mine, but it was ok. It was my twin’s. I supposed I would raise him now. I pulled the spear out and uttered the magic words. He sprang to life, and ran away. Next day the papers were filled with my story; extra extra, twin kills his brother, brings him back to life. I went to his house and shot him, then buried his body under the bridge we used to play at when we were seven. The bridge over the river consciousness. A word floated toward me. “RUINATION”. I grabbed the n and held on as if my life depended on it. He never liked that bridge. He never liked the river. Said it was too cold, and despondent. He never liked me either. “I don’t like you.” That was what he always said to me. I would tell him a joke, and he would tell me how much he hated me. I was struggling, struggling, I was always struggling. The “ation” popped off and knocked me over. “RUIN” floated down the river, bobbing and weaving, inside and out, inside and out of the water. I watched until I couldn’t watch anymore. The corpse of my old self came to life, and it shoved me in the river. I went tumbling, tumbling tumbling over a waterfall, hit my head on some rocks. It knocked me out. The next morning I woke up, bleeding, dead on the asphalt, dead in my own skin. I tried to run home, I tried, I swear I tried to run home to you. But my legs wouldn’t work. I was laying bleeding dead on the asphalt trying to ruin to you, I mean run to you, and I couldn’t try anymore. I just couldn’t. I tried for days and days, but I just couldn’t try anymore. You’ll have to forgive me, I’m only human. I just can’t try anymore.

log

nospam@example.com (NN) — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 00:08:26 -0400

June 31st. An empty parking lot.
                Concrete. Traffic noise. A plant barrier.
                This would be a good place to die.
                If I will it, I choose.

                This is as good
                a place as any.

let go, let go. jump in, for it's so amazing here -
in the breakdown.

May 31st. I was working ~~cahier~~ cashier again.
                Man came in. Shot himself. I was
                the last person to talk to him.
                "Much left in your shift?"
                "Three hours, I guess."
                "Ah, alright."
                Then he pulls the trigger.
                Five hours later, I went to sleep.

12seconds of today

nospam@example.com (NN) — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 21:58:09 -0400

[iPhone] how do i do this on 12seconds.tv

Crorimed Veneuck

nospam@example.com (NN) — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 21:50:18 -0400

Friiot? Hardly. For when you take a bite of tangerine pie, you expect to spill the crumbs on your bed. A wise man once said, why don't you go and make me some toast. And a wiser man said, it is not you who makes the toast, but the toast who makes you. An even wiser man still said, In Soviet Russia, toaster cooks with you? I am part animal, part machine gun. Smithers, there's a rocket in my pocket. Do you enjoy highlighting your face? I do since I cut myself while shaving once. Bled all over the carpet. I bought a hovercraft. I got a big raise and bought myself a hovercraft. WHo put these things under the floor Boards? It's the beating of his hideous heart! Wait, ... wait ... he found a heart container. Problem solved folks, we can all go home to our pork bellies. bellly. belllybelllybelllybellly. It's inside of me! And it's attached to my soul. A piece of ham was driving down the street, when he saw a gang banger banging a gang. He drove to his girlfriend's house, cut her throat, and took her kid to the ball pit. That was some fucking ball pit! Lots of ball sauce and shit.

New, tomorrow night: the most mediocre night of your life. The night after that: the most mediacore night of your life. Thanks, a latte. A man drove to Denver where his grandmother owned a coffee shop. They found her dead in her bathtub. She had dranken a gallon of motor oil for breakfast. Lightens up the chest area, keeps things running on time. You have violated the law: the law of Pepsico. For this we sentence you to die of voltage poisoning. I have to throw up. I had pizza for lunch and now I'm going to throw it up. Here it comes. Here it comes! Transaction rollback in progress. Commit transaction.

This above all else, be true: grape popsicles taste like dying. FOllow grape popsicles on Twitter: @grapepopsicles I wonder if your mom was sad the day you were born because she thought her life was over. I think I'll go buy an ox cart. For carting my oxen. Unix? I don't know this. I like other GUI interfaces. Sausages? Never mind.

What will they call Martha Stewart Living after she passes away

Oink oink piggy wiggy I've got a ham in my belly

if Kevin Bacon was from Toronto would they call him Canadian Kevin Bacon

Corned beef, grits grits, grits grits grits grits, aaaaaaaaaaand sunglasses

at

fucking

midnight

Possible pet names

nospam@example.com (NN) — Sat, 27 Dec 2008 16:13:32 -0500

Here's a list I made when I was recently trying to decide on a pet, and a name.

Possible pet names:

Sprinkles
Whiskers
Steven
Stephen
Paprika (look into other spices)
Dog (ironic hipster points - esp. if not a dog)
Angela
Sheldon (avoid if buying an armadillo - too hokey)
Ribbons (save - poss. daughter's name?)
Tyler
George III (avoid - implies murder of two previous pets)
Duck Henry
Old Spice (call other companies - poss. ad revenue)
Jesus
Stefan
George Foreman
Melissa the Turtle (do not use if pet is not a turtle)
Stevey
Andréa
Andre the Turtle
"Helicopter" Moses
Teegan
Lisa Marie Claire
Mutatey (if gotten free from cooling pond)
Assface (esp. appropriate for a kitten)
Steve
Blowjob
Patches

The ultimate winner? George Foreman the imaginary zebra.

Unfortunately, George Foreman was killed when he was hit by the Magic School Bus, so I've sworn off pets for now.

Quite a corundrum

nospam@example.com (NN) — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 21:26:34 -0500

How many minerals can you name that appear on Mohs scale of hardness?

Corundum is a crystalline form of aluminium oxide (Al2O3) and is one of the rock-forming minerals. It is naturally clear, but can have different colors when impurities are present. Transparent specimens are used as gems, called ruby if red, while all other colors are called sapphire. In India a pinkish-orange sapphire is called padparadscha and a pink light-red sapphire is called patmaraga.

One reason I'm doing this is to look at my blockquote css. Dang that looks weird! Probably!

I wonder what the Mohs hardness of a Republican's heart is

oink oink POLITICS

Come back soon I got to be hilarious

Edit: I lost it

Edit 2: Smilers

dadadaily: BLARGH

nospam@example.com (NN) — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 22:39:11 -0400

here l sit
all broken hearted
had diarrhea
and that's the story

enter/exit

nospam@example.com (NN) — Wed, 21 May 2008 22:25:16 -0400

dadaweekly

the increasingly inaccurately named series of the only things I write and oh FUCK

I slipped on a banana peel, I slipped on a banana, peel, I slipped on, a banana peel I slipped, on a banana peel

and I fell

down

and I feel

down

and I got my feelings all over the floor

you'd better wear a hardhat is all I can say
you should have been wearing one already anyway
because my blood vessels are

under constriction
and I haven't been feeling

up

all that well

and I have been

up

a very lot indeed

I should probably
get this
looked at

and poked
and prodded
inside
and out

and maybe I wouldn't be

up
all the time

and maybe I wouldn't be

down
all the time

adadadily

nospam@example.com (NN) — Wed, 07 May 2008 21:15:14 -0400

Since the dawn of time, time has moved forwards. Then again, popsicles. Once upon a starkiss, I ate a tub of margarine. It's ok, it was fat free. And it tasted like popsicles. Earwax flavored popsicles. And popsicles .. are still marching on. This treat will soon be at an end, and now it's even sooner. And now it's even sooner. And now it's even sooner.

Did you ever buy a new hat? Boy I did once. That was awesome. Lost it though. That part wasn't awesome. I took a bunch of pictures of my underwear drawer trying to find it, but he never resurfaced. I wonder if he's buried in the sand somewhere in the middle of a rainforest. I would hate to be buried semi alive in the middle of a dense urban undergrowth that is bursting with pus and looks like Kenney Chesney. I got this wheel implant in my foot and it's kind of hurty. But I can go really really fast on sidewalks, but sometimes I crash into bodegas. It's ok the soda is only 45 cents a can there they made an exception. For once in my life, they made an exception. BUG PISS.

But you don't have to take my word for it

nospam@example.com (NN) — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 11:10:34 -0400

I have finally reached the point where I can forgive Angelina Jolie for taking Brad Pitt away from Jennifer Aniston. It was a long arduous journey, but I think I'm finally there.

I had a long, tearful conversation about it with Batman last night, and he convinced me that it was for the best.

angst is a podcast, a weekly subscription

nospam@example.com (NN) — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 10:21:22 -0400

I used to live in the Land of the Dragons. It was a five mile walk to the grocery store, and every so often a mini dragon would nip at my heels, or breathe smoke on me. Then, its mother or father would groan and yell in my direction, so I would starting running and running faster and faster. I didn't have a car. Everything was bad, and the other people in the land stuck together. But only with themselves.

I got tired of living among Dragons. I decided to buy a car and drive to the Land of the Dinosaurs. Then I decided to move there once, in a dream. So I did. There was a ring of mushrooms living around the border, and they were excited to see me. They welcomed me, and patted me on the back, congratulating me on my arrival, on my decision.

Everything was fine for a while. But then I turned invisible. The mushrooms couldn't see me anymore. They didn't speak to me anymore. The dinosaurs weren't very scary. All of the scary dinosaurs had died off a long time ago. All that was left were plant eaters. Things were pretty boring and bland, but it was pretty easy living there. But I didn't like it.

One day, I saw a nacho chip standing in the middle of the street, wide eyed. I honked at him to move. I was in a hurry. But he just yelled "hey you!"

I yelled back "what?! move it!"

He said "..this place sucks!" And he disappeared.

And I can't help wondering where he went. I wish I could follow him.

But I don't know how to disappear.

urethra infection by honeybees

nospam@example.com (NN) — Sun, 13 Apr 2008 15:57:38 -0400

buzz buzz buzz it's quite a hot topic

that i've got this huge pustule in my weiner

it probably has a billion germs on it

more on it as it develops