God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift. Or maybe he's just sick and likes torturing us. You never know. Wouldn't you? Besides, it's probably Satan pairing you with that guy who was in prison twice for drugging and raping innocent young virgin teenagers.

When the door of happiness closes another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us. Besides, I'm willing to bet that the one that opened was a portal into a fiery pit of Hell.

The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the biggest waste of time you've ever seen. Hell, doesn't even need to be a best kind of friend.

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. So go slit your wrists! You don't know what you're missing.

Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back, or even won't spread rumors about you and talk about you behind your back with friends. Or call you names and laugh in your face. Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart. If it doesn't, just be content it grew in yours. Yeah, you know, because there's no better feeling than unrequited love!

It takes only a second to get a crush on someone, and about the same length of time to like them or fall in love with them. On average it probably takes about five minutes to get that person knocked up.

Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile and you can make smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Of course, it can take only a knife to the brain to find out that the person was having a really bad day and it just got worse when you started fucking with them.

There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real. Then you'll wake up and say, "oh son of a bitch, it was all just a damn dream. Better go get some porn."

Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do. So be friendly to a homeless guy today. It's not every day you meet people who are so confused and so capable of spoken word scat singing.

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy, and enough buckshot to take out the fuckers who stand in your way.

Always put yourself in others' shoes. Nikes are expensive these days.

If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person, too. Unless they're whipping your ass in a video game. Then it's hilarious for them.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. Or they're stupid.

Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched and those who have tried; for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear....in the space-time continuum, if you accidentally meet yourself sometime.

The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past. So just say "screw it", because the present is worthless.

You can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Except for the poor doctor who had to pull you, screaming, out of your mom. Imagine how disgusting that was! I bet that guy'll never have sex again. And it's all your fault.

Live your life so that when you die, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying. Tape a bomb to yourself and blow up a large building.

Disclaimer: do not actually do that
(or any of this)

Labels: defectivejunk, Uninspirational Thoughts