Shadows of a hand
Touching itself -

I end where I begin

One day I sat, I just sat and watched time pass by. It was something I usually did and I was doing it again; I watched the trees and the students walking past and just wished that I was part of the scene; the endless scene that occupies the nights and hides in secret smiles during the day; and one day I stumbled along a twenty six foot high black ice cube, and time stood still, and everyone disappeared

and I tried to climb it and it welcomed my presence; but when I had reached the top I realized I was climbing the wrong direction and I was on the other side of the universe; and suddenly everyone was in the negative and the sky was magenta and the sun shined bright cyan into my dark yellow eyes and I passed through everyone passing through and time sped up and it was bittersweet because now I could observe everyone without being observed but I was on the opposite of the

my earliest memory is of waking from a dream as a young child and being forced out of bed to meet someone I would end up hating well I realized what I didn't realize was that the feeling was the same, I fell through the earth, down in a direction that isn't up or down or left or right but it's there, I fell through the landscape into a one to one landscape that might replace this one someday, I was back under the neon landscape just as I had been in those days and I sat and I watched and I spent the hours inside my head and everyone passed through me with no regard, no regard at all I was back in a three story hospital house with the biggest living room you've ever seen and a black and white tv and so many so many cracks in the walls and I don't know why I did it but I did it and there I was and the void opened and I saw myself staring back at me on the other side, I'm not sure if I'm him or he's me but now I know we're out there so I can never rest, I stay up until 3 in the morning and I don't rest I don't sleep and I don't dream I just see myself in the ether, the ether,

the ether

cracks in the walls, I can feel them and they're breaking open, the strings, the ties that bind, they're falling ever backwards and their health is on my shoulders and they're falling apart and I'm falling apart and now I know that when they finally fall apart and the void attacks that I'll remain whole, when everyone else is gone I'll still be here and I'll still be on my own, insomnia, always on my own, doing what has to be done even after nothing is intact, even after the nothing isn't intact, doing what has to be done, that's why I'm here, now I know that's why I'm here. So what I don't know right now is if this side is the real side or the other side is the real side or if both sides are real and I'm the only one that knows it but I don't know which side I'm on anymore, good evil or both so even though I know what's going to happen I don't know how to get there but I thought you had a right to know in advance, so all I wanted you to know is that




I've defected

Labels: defectivejunk, MADSAD, MADSAD FIVE'S EPILOGUE